Adopting should be an intentional decision, not only because it concerns the future life of a child, but also because parents have many adoption options. It is essential that parents first realize why they want to adopt and then decide if it’s better to adopt an infant or an older child.

The way adoptive parents choose between an infant and an older child is related to what they consider important for their family. In many cases, an important consideration is the general notion “the younger the better”. However, other adoptive families consider that adopting an older child has more advantages. In any event, in order to take the appropriate decision, adoptive parents have to consider the pros and the cons of each case. But mostly what it suits their mentality better.

Adopting an infant

When adopting an infant, adoptive parents have the chance to form bonds with their baby and develop a valuable attachment with him or her. They learn as they go and they discover their child’s interests, skills, abilities and character. Instead, an older child has already developed its abilities and skills and, in some cases, this may function as a handicap for the parents, who would love to influence their child with their own norms and culture.

With infants, adoptive parents have excellent teaching opportunities. As their child grows up and explores the world, adoptive parents have the great opportunity of teaching their child their values and morals at a very early age. Instead, in many cases with older children, it is more complicated to un-teach the child from what he or she already knows and teach him or her from scratch.

Although waiting time for infant adoptions can be up to two years, many adoptive parents prefer this option. Although adopting agencies have many older children waiting to be adopted and hence, waiting time is shorter than waiting to adopt an infant, in many cases adoptive parents consider that adopting an infant is a better decision. It is very important to be able to grow-up with their children and get to know them from their very first moment in life.

Adopting an older child

In regards to adoption, an older child is a child of age two and/or older.

When adopting an older child, adoptive parents already have information on the child’s medical record. Any childhood illnesses and developmental milestones are already known and evaluated in order to make sure that the child is healthy. Also, some serious syndromes such as Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) and Fetal Alcohol Effect (FAE) can be diagnosed only in older children and not in infants. Therefore, by adopting an older child, adoptive parents are better prepared to anticipate any future “surprise” and evaluate solid information that determines their final decision in regards to adoption.

An older child has already developed its abilities and skills to an extent that parents can develop better communication with the child. Infants cannot express their interests and abilities before becoming children, so adoptive parents may face “surprises” in regards to the child’s culture and mental development. Instead, with older children, adoptive parents can match their interests to the child’s interests in order to help him or her to develop a better and well-rounded personality.

Typically, older children are less demanding than infants. As they are more independent than infants in regards to eating, playing on their own, dressing and so on, older children are more adaptable to the household routine. Also, they interact better than infants because their brain is developed enough to understand their parents’ guidance. 

All in all, there are no general rules that may determine which is the better decision. Adoptive parents should have a clear mind when it comes to adoption and evaluate what would be the best for the child provided they are capable of providing the best to their child. In many cases, cultural and religious criteria are enough to assist parents in taking their final decision. And in most of these cases, adoptive parents prefer infant adoptions as they are able to mold their children and communicate their cultural and religious heritage to them.

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